*--maine

2012-01-19T23:50:00.002+08:00

很没有空.
still don't like to study out with ppl, guess i'm sort of a loner. when i study, i really prefer to study alone.

k, i'm gonna sleep soon, goodnight world.

2012-01-08T17:32:00.001+08:00

2011-12-31T00:09:00.003+08:00

Ever since i was young, my parents kept telling me that i sound horrible when i sing. My dad would even glare at me if i wouldn't stop. So, i truly grew up thinking that i sound horrible. Sometimes, just sometimes, i wonder if Mr Kwei actually ticked on the wrong name during the auditions for aj choristers. And i really wonder how i managed to make it into syf. Was it parallax error when he was selecting choristers? Well, according to my parents, i sound like i'm croaking and i don't even know how to support my voice properly, i don't even know what's a falsetto and i don't really know much about vocal controls. Although i attended music lessons for ard 12 years, i am still rather clueless about music. don't ask me why, i don't know how i managed to return all the knowledge i've acquired over 12 years to my teacher in less than a month.
ya, so my point is, i feel very lucky to have been in such a wonderful choir and totally enjoyed my experience as a chorister. nothing ever beats the feeling of singing in a choir, where all voices come together and blend harmoniously. even though my voice sucks, i guess i was lucky enough and managed to be part of a choir. i'm very grateful for that. really wanna be part of a choir again. just wanna keep singing, alright, according to my parents, it's croaking. fine, i wanna keep croaking then.

2011-12-24T04:36:00.002+08:00

totally adore melanie amaro and her voice. oh and of course, her stage presence...
her singing truly reaches into the depths of ppls' heart. i'm so happy for her today (:

2011-12-10T18:13:00.002+08:00

It's phy jiejie's wedding tmr! (:
haha, rather excited! gotta wake up earlyearly tmr (:
It's my first time being a bridesmaid... though i'll be the roundest bridesmaid around :P

Anw, my fourth bout of flu is here again... runny nose now, i wonder if i'll be like the only bridesmaid running around tmr with a tissue pack...

Gosh, so much work to do, but i don't really feel like caring about them now :P too excited about tmr! hahaha, okay, shall try doing some pbf questions!

2011-12-08T10:58:00.004+08:00

只有当你能够接受不喜欢你的人跟喜欢你的人一样多的时候,你才可以真正的做自己.
否则你还是只是在尝试做一个会被最多人喜欢的那个自己.
但是那个自己其实你不认识.

2011-11-05T10:00:00.002+08:00

I wanna go overseas :'( But i have neither time nor money to spare at the moment...

Daddy, mommy, don't leave me behind :'(

2011-11-03T02:47:00.002+08:00

woohoo! had my second potluck last wednesday during a gathering over the deepavali hol with choirmates. Everything was superb! Potluck was so fun! Siewhui cooked tomyam soup and greenbean soup, Amanda cooked yeemian with lots of meat and veggies(: and some kinda korean meat patty(?), shawn brought pizza and made jellies, sien brought garlic bread, jontan made apple crumble pie (and was there something else? forgot :P) and tenghui brought chicken wings! (: I cooked fried rice on my own for the first time in my life! The dear choristers are all nice ppl, they told me it was fine (: haha, ok, shall go improvise on my fried rice when i have time so that it'll become even better in time!

but anws, i was quite angry at myself... really wanted to prepare smth for Siewhui sincerely cos she really helped me a lot last year with all the tuitions and extra tests that she gave me although she has lots of assignments and exams to rush through. So, i decided to bake a cake for her bday. The cake turned out okay... BUT, i forgot to ask jontan to refrigerate it when we got to his house :'( i placed it on the kitchen counter and the cake got infested with ants during dinner... I feel so stupid, i mean how can anyone forget to refrigerate their cake! :'(

Really prepared it sincerely, i hope Siewhui will be able to feel it. Really felt like slapping myself on the spot when i saw the ants crawling out of the cake. I spent the previous night till 2 a.m. in the morn to prepare the choc cake and the next morning doing the white choc ganache... well, it wouldn't have taken the whole morning, but i failed on my first attempt and had to go back to marsiling to get the white choc conventure and try to ganache for the second time... Really felt like just drowning all the ants... :(

I really feel very very very sorry to jontan and his family too... Caused so much ants to climb onto their kitchen counter... i hope that the cake didn't attract ants that were not in the house in the first place. My dad would have had me killed if this scene was re-enacted in my own kitchen... Thanks jontan's parents for your kind understanding and tolerance!

Ohoh, and anyway, it was a rather memorable journey to and from jontan's house! lol... once in a lifetime experience i guess! Well, i'm so thrilled at the thought that more and more friends of our age are getting their license and starting to drive people around. doubt i'll get a license anytime soon, will prolly have to wait till i start work, as in first job. (:

okay, gotta get going, mind over body, start mugging again!

2011-10-21T17:01:00.001+08:00

Skyscraper Demi Lovato

Skies are crying, i am watching
catching teardrops in my hands
only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance. Do you have to make me feel like there’s nothing left of me?

You can take everything i have
you can break everything i am
like i’m made of glass
like i’m made of paper
go on and try to tear me down
i will be rising from the ground
like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears
i awaken and untangle you from me
would it make you feel better to watch me while i bleed
all my windows still are broken but i’m standing on my feet

You can take everything i have
you can break everything i am
like i’m made of glass
like i’m made of paper
go on and try to tear me down
i will be rising from the ground
like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper

Go run run run i’m gonna stay right here
watch you disappear yeah
go run run run yeah it’s a long way down
but i’m closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything i have
you can break everything i am
like i’m made of glass
like i’m made of paper
ohh
go on and try to tear me down
i will be rising from the ground
like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper
like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper
like a skyscraper

2011-10-15T18:06:00.002+08:00

おいしいですね！　

square buns junior, nice :)

heehee, this was something that i drew a few years ago, but still find it quite cute... heehee.

2011-10-06T13:32:00.002+08:00

Imagine having a blocked nose, yes two very blocked nostrils, coupled with cough AND hiccups at the same time.. I could hardly breathe properly for that few mins yesterday...

Yest sucked... but thanks to my fever, i got to know a new friend in accounting lect...
Humans are kind by nature (:

2011-09-27T23:17:00.002+08:00

CAN I JUST OFF MY PHONE FOR LIKE 10 DAYS STRAIGHT? Okay, if i get really really really frustrated, i will do so next week, shall just remember to write a post on my wall on fb so tt my friends won't get worried...

2011-09-27T22:56:00.004+08:00

I'm so tired... i really am. Sometimes, i really wish i've more time to myself... the "ME and myself" time.

(Weekly) Monday- Friend A asks me out, Tuesday- Friend B asks me out, Thursday- Friend C asks me out, Friday- Friend D asks me out, Saturday- Friend E asks me out OR go kampo's house, Sunday- finally, some "me" time, not very often though, cos my sunday does disappear sometimes too, if Friend F decides to meet up too.

So, the frequency of meeting up with one friend, say fictitious character Mary, is like once a week. And if Mary feels like meeting up another time for that week, i'll have to like juggle my schedule like mad amidst my school, part-time job and jap classes! so though my friends feel like the frequency of meeting up with me is really low, i seriously have no choice, it's really cos i can't handle this any much better..

I need some time to do the things i want and study myself. I just can't keep up with this anymore... i really feel like breaking down and telling this world that i'm really really tired. I WANT TO JUST HAVE SOME TIME TO MYSELF. and i really appreciate and love "me" time... i need all the "me" time in the world that i can get like when i was in sec days...

I really wish that my friends would all understand, cos i am freaking tired... i wanna study alone, shop alone, drink coffee at starbucks by myself and spend the whole weekend myself, travelling alone... I wanna BE alone, just for a little while...

my life is such an effing piece of shit cos i can't express myself well to my friends... And it's not even my friends' fault cos they don't know these, It's my inability to tell them that i don't wanna meet and that i'm tired from all these meetings... I'M SO FREAKING TIRED!! GODDAMNIT! CHARMAINE, YOU'RE BORN WITH A MOUTH AND A BRAIN, CAN YOU JUST SPEAK YOUR MIND! asshole, i'm so angry with myself...

2011-09-27T10:43:00.002+08:00

I'm healthy again! (: haha, except for my nose, it's still a little blocked, and it refuses to go away :P

I'm thankful for all my friends who've been so caring and wonderful.

Things are getting a little busier in school. There's quite a bit of assignments and revision to rush for. gonna go mug now! (:

2011-09-23T18:41:00.001+08:00

Fever, a yearly affair? :/

2011-09-11T10:17:00.000+08:00

STUDY STUDY STUDY (: (: (:

2011-08-26T22:26:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired...

travel -> lecture -> travel to work-> work -> travel home -> homework -> recap lecture -> sleep
and the whole cycle goes on...

on saturdays, it goes like this:

work->travel-> lessons-> travel to tutees' place -> tuition -> home ( and i reach home around 8?) and then i can start revision and since i started so late, i'll end late into the night, okay i mean early into the morning.

i'm so tired that i can sleep while standing on the mrt again...

and i dont even know why i am here to rant. might as well spend the time more wisely. okay, bye.

2011-08-14T12:17:00.003+08:00

Pak pak, this post is dedicated to you.

Just wanna say thank you for being there and standing up for me when i was young. Always protecting korkor, me and bryan when we're being scolded. Always buying our favourite food and bringing us around the shophouses at telok blangah. my favourite sesame street train, korkor's teenage mutant ninja turtle toy set, my colouring book, bryan's toy cars, new pencil case, new water colour set, new pencils and pen... everything. thank you for showering us with love. thank you for being the greatest pakpak anyone can ask for.

I know you are still watching over us. Please pakpak, please continue to watch over goddad and godma. Please ensure their speedy recovery and please let them be healthy, safe and sound. Pakpak, thank you for everything.

2011-08-13T00:40:00.002+08:00

i feel used. Hate people who take advantage of others. When someone's trying to be nice and kind, appreciate the gesture and try your very best to not disappoint that person, DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT take advantage of that person's kindness and continue abusing it. do not blame me if you suddenly see me flaring up at you and not listening to any excuses you might cook up, cos you're going to be sorry.

2011-08-10T21:16:00.002+08:00

hmmm... don't really like clubbing.
and girls really shouldn't go without any guy friends around to shoo off potential harassers.

anyways, just another quote that i read from a book, "我们常会问: 幸福是什么? 幸福的种子又是什么? 其实, 答案很简单, 那就是 [希望]. 无论是顺境或逆境, 只要带着它, 我们就一定会找到属于自己的那份幸福."

2011-08-10T11:21:00.002+08:00

lol, i must admit that i'm really bad at handling kids at the age of 7 to 12 (well, that means the whole primary school lot). BUT, i'm rather good at handling kids 6 and under (: heehee. and they listen to me! (unlike those primary kids)

Well, anyways, i'm heading off to NTU later. (: crashing lecture later with my friend... i hope i don't see anyone i know.

Just read this off a book, "当你抱怨自己的生活总是不如意时, 当你埋怨上天怎么老是开你玩笑时, 换一个角度去想, 去看, 你会发现, 磨难, 其实带给你的, 是成长, 失败带给你的, 是成功后的喜悦.
其实, 生活是充满快乐的音符, 只是它要你用心倾听. 生活中并不是缺少美,而是缺少发现美的眼睛."

2011-08-01T22:47:00.002+08:00

Is it me or does Yang Yoseob really bear a subtle resemblance to Xiah Junsu? (:

2011-07-26T00:34:00.002+08:00

I can't teach for nuts. All my students, past and present, always have a way to do anything else except the work i've set out for them to do. I'm so disappointed, I think it's me, definitely. I'm not a person who is firm enough to instil discipline into my pupil, not that i have much discipline in the first place as well. No matter how much i yell, nag or even try to bribe them with a candy or two, it's never enough, the nonsense keeps going on. I will not let my child be as mischevious and out of control as all these kids i've seen these few years, it's really enough to drive me nuts.

Well, that aside, I'm quite lucky that my only tutee left is quite a good student. She's a quiet student who knows when to do her work and will ask when she's in doubt. That's the right attitude, isn't it? Not climbing around on tables, chairs and taking screws out of the wall. For goodness sake, i almost went mad when i saw the screw taken out of the wall by one of my ex-student. Back on to the topic, I'm just very grateful that she's appreciating my help and just fully utilising this resource. I hope she continues with this and scores well in her PSLE (:

okay, I'm not taking up any more tutees after this, period.

2011-07-25T00:25:00.001+08:00

This is all so depressing...

2011-07-22T01:34:00.002+08:00

不要轻言放弃!
Do your best and live with no regrets (:

Nic, thanks a lot for your help! <3 you, boss! (:

Okay, this year's gonna be a busy year. Balance these things on your plate and make sure to prioritise your studies above all!

2011-07-08T15:41:00.002+08:00

SONG JOONGKI! (:
Lol... really miss him on RM, re-watching RM is fun! (:
Gwangsoo is a teeny little bit irritating, used to like his antics :P

2011-07-05T15:36:00.002+08:00

I'm gradually becoming one of them, aye?
I'm no exception, what makes me think that i'm going to be someone different right from the start?
Everyone's conforming... no one's spared... this is how a society acts

2011-07-05T01:54:00.000+08:00

Why am i such an idiot?

2011-07-01T13:10:00.002+08:00

刚读完了 [等一个人咖啡], 故事有个完美的结局,但读了小说之后不知为何心里总觉得蛮感伤.那是叙说着人与人之间的默契,友情等的小说. 大力推荐...

我的心情蛮糟的
也说不清到底为什么
郁闷到了极点
有时会觉得自己很愚昧,有时又觉得这也没什么不好的
说不清,说不清,也可能是自己无聊没事做才会像现在这样想东想西吧
烦死了,我干嘛没事找事烦!!

2011-06-24T01:13:00.003+08:00

Jogging with nic tmr morning! (:
It's already 1 in the morn, better get some sleep and recharge!

Shall revise Jap tmr!

hmm, i've been pondering over whether i should give tuition again... the reason i'm holding back is cos' i'm afraid that i won't be able to cope once school term starts...

Like what Sihui said, tuition earns you quite a bit per month. Pays rather well. But of course, the pressure is on you to ensure that your tuition kid does perform up to expectations or even better. What if he/she doesn't, won't you feel like you're responsible for it somehow?

hmm...

2011-06-19T03:41:00.000+08:00

craving for LUROUFAN :/
i want my luroufan, boohooooo...

any nice luroufan in singapore?

2011-06-16T10:53:00.005+08:00

HAD A GREAT BREAKFAST WITH ANNETTE TODAY (:

It's been a long time time since i had a nice(ya, i know, my vocab's limited) breakfast! damn satisfying can! we went to chongpang market and ordered cheechongfun, siewmai, lormaikai, grassjelly, soy milk, and butterflies! haha, all arrived piping hot! and the butterfly damn crispy can! arhahahaha! it's the way they fry it, it's totally different from those ananas cafe chain stores... my chee chong fun had prawn fillings! it was sooooooooo goooooood! CHONGPANG MARKET FTW! haha, and anw, i bought this at the market as well, brings back memories from the good old days :

I started off my day on a good, although fattening, note!
i'm definitely going back for more chee chong fun(with fat, juicy prawns!)!

2011-06-15T10:37:00.002+08:00

my hair's as dry as hay... =.=
it needs treatment or else i'll really be donning a haystack on my head in no time =.=

my head's throbbing and it's been like this since yesterday...

2011-06-14T14:53:00.001+08:00

uniqlo's having a crazy sale now (: i'm happy when clothe brands that i like have sale (: it makes me extremely extremely happy (:

2011-06-12T23:42:00.003+08:00

My brother's a fucking bitch and i'm darn serious about this...

I have no idea why he gets onto my nerves just like how a younger sibling does... he's like 4 years older than me but acts like he's 10 years younger than i am... he's the only person capable of making me so angry and making me spew vulgarities...

I'm irritated... very irritated... i wanna get good grades, earn big bucks, buy a house and hurry escape from this house...

2011-06-09T10:29:00.003+08:00

the two loves of my life now, baby toutou and baby aly! Charmaine Jiejie loves you all, though you little ones may not know it! (: adorable adorable babies! toutou, jiejie is gonna visit you in japan one day!

haha, i always seem like an idiot around babies, i'll be doing all sorts of hilarious acts to make them smile/laugh :P they must be secretly thinking in their minds: this jiejie is crazy, let's smile a little to humour her and reward her for her retardedness...

2011-06-07T00:48:00.003+08:00

Why is it that when i get my hopes high, i get dunked into total darkness and have to struggle all over again and fend for myself every single time...

Why? Things are alr sucky as it is, i don't need anything to make it worse...

I feel like... ... i don't even know exactly what i'm feeling right now... it's just anger, anger and then, numbness...

2011-06-04T22:20:00.002+08:00

跑步!

should i start working again? or should i just rest and wait for school semester to start? i'm quite sick of working, and there's this really long list of things that i yearn to complete. That includes picking up new hobbies which i've been eyeing since i was in sec/jc... And i've always wanted to revise/recap my music theory, cos i remember nuts about it. I wanna pack up my room and i really wanna camp in the library for a day and read all the books i want to... hmm, what else? I wanna watch a few jap/korean dramas... I wanna go out with my friends, some of which i haven't been contacting for the past year at all... that includes some of my closest sec buddies...

Okay, my post says it all, i'm not going back to work (: and my dad's gonna kill me for this (recalls how he yelled at me when i subtly hinted the possibility of this) Well, it's my life, and i'm gonna take charge of it... What he doesn't know is that just 2 days after my a lvl's last year, i went straight to work without any break in between till i ended the hellish job stint on the 13th of may... So, i'm going to take a break and that's that.

hmm,why is it that when no one provokes me, i can still get angry myself... Lol.

2011-06-02T11:29:00.002+08:00

*yawns*

i'm sleep-deprived again, don't know what i've been up to also... slept at 4 plus this morn and went for a jog with annette around 7 plus... o wells, that beats sleeping till i get headache...

toutou is going back tmr :'( i miss my lil baby cousin, the next time i see him will be about 2 years later and he'll be 3 by then! BAH!!! HE'SSSSS SHO CUTE AND CUDDDDDLY!! sobs...

okay, gonna pack my room now :) determined to make it look minimalistic and cool...

2011-06-02T02:35:00.002+08:00

BACK FROM TAIWAN! (:

I must say it's a totally fun experience to be exploring a city with friends! Though we were off with a bumpy start(due to the closure of one of our destinations), the trip went ahead without much disruptions and it turned out to be rather exciting and cool!

We had a nice and pretty hostel to begin with! Apple House(: Anyone who wants to go to taiwan for free&easy and wants the email add of the hostel owner, you can ask me/jess/jinyi/huimin for the address (: we have her name card and website add (: the house was spacious and well-equipped (: We had late night movie marathons (although our horror movie marathon always cmi cos we couldn't start up late enough :P) Haha, we slept around 2++ 3 mostly, and woke up like 8 plus 9? by the 6th,7th day, I had one of those very heavy eyebags :P Lol!

When we landed, we heard about Taiwan having one of their typhoons. But luckily, it didn't come into the island, sorta swerved away. O wells, we were very lucky, cos the typhoon actually helped us to lower the temperature SIGNIFICANTLY, and the swerve kept us away from harm (: so the temperature we got was generally around 20-21 deg (: it was cooling (: slightly colder than an air-conditioned room... the day that we went to yangmingshan, it went as low as 17 deg with wind, rain and mist. haha, totally chilly. we couldn't see anything beyond 2m radius!

Food was fantastic! with luroufan as cheap as S$1 per bowl, ahzhong mian xian, a po yu yuan, ice cream, fried sotong leg with pepper, chicken cutlet and of course, my FAVOURITE TONGYI PUDDING ICED MILD TEA!! really love that milk tea SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!! if anyone happen to go to XIMENDING, you HAVE TO TRY IT!

anws, had a surprising discovery this trip (: Jinyi's buddy Seah Huimin is actually my primary 2 classmate in CHONGFU (: nice to meet you, fellow 2G-an (: really had an enjoyable trip with ya!

O wells, wrapped up my trip in TAIWAN 2011! next destination: hongkong in 2012 (:
annette lim, time to save up for our trip yea? (:

2011-05-21T03:25:00.003+08:00

loads of "things to do" on my list! and time's ticking away! i needa settle quite a bit of urgent matters before departing... omgoodness, i'm a professional procrastinator. i had so much time to start with after my work ended last fri, and i'm left with so little time now. what have i been doing? tsk at myself...

tsk tsk tsk...

2011-05-21T01:55:00.002+08:00

It's been quite a few years now since i experienced motion sickness...

The taxi uncle should really consider giving up his profession cos i can really feel the agony of every passenger of his. He really brakes every 100m or so? and i keep getting thrown back and forth and back and forth repeatedly until i feel like throwing up my dinner (mind you, i took the taxi around 1 am and i had dinner around 7 plus? Lol) i haven't met such a lousy driver since... ... o well, i've never met such a lousy driver then.

okay, last few days to go before we say, "bye singapore, hello taiwan!"

2011-05-19T14:44:00.001+08:00

mystery solved(:

2011-05-19T13:54:00.001+08:00

WHO ON EARTH WILL TAKE MY LAPTOP BATT!!! BAHHHHH!!! i feel like punching something now! i am pissed.

2011-05-19T13:46:00.001+08:00

Omgoodness!!! Where in the world is my laptop batt? WHERE WHERE!!! BAH!

2011-05-17T12:22:00.003+08:00

well, everyone has to get on with life right (: ? and i'm no exception...

there's reason for everything... understand it, embrace it and move forward! just keep these lessons in mind cos these are your very own life's lessons...

2011-05-14T11:01:00.002+08:00

Let me share with you a story of my dumbass brother... haha, i told my mum that my brother's a person whom you feel like saying ,"so cute" and "i feel like strangling him" at the same time =P

Okay, this was what happened:

when i got home yest after celebrating my birthday, my bro shook my hands and dragged me to the room and said, "happy birthday, happy birthday, i got a present for you!" and then he revealed a "lee kuan yew-hard truths" book on the table. I was very happy at first, cos i keep telling him to get me the book since his camp gave it out for free or something like that. So, he kept dragging on for a few weeks alr, but didn't get me the book. Yest, when he showed me the book, he created the impression that he went to buy the book and not get it from his camp. He said, " see, i went to get you the book that you always wanted."

I was very happy, of course, until i saw this when i open up the book:

I was like, " SHIT YOU LA NICHOLAS YUE! someone gave it to you and you just conveniently gave it to me as a present" he half-laughed and hurried out of the room with a damn qian-bian guilty face. Lol... i find his laughter so adorable, but i feel like strangling him at the same time! Stupid boy, think i won't find out is it? :P
Lol, but all in all, still wanna thank my bro for the book, wanted this book for a while now, just that it's a little pricey...

2011-05-04T13:30:00.003+08:00

I'm at Starbucks now re-organising our itinerary!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! The more i research through the areas and attractions in Taiwan and finding navigation routes, the more excited i get!! Haha, i just text Lau, she's finishing her exams this afternoon at 3!! BEST OF LUCK TO HER!! (:

Anws, planning the locations/attractions in sequence, cus i seriously don't wanna travel back and forth and to and fro on the mrt, it'll drive me crazy and burn a big hole in my pocket for our travelling expenses!! Lol, seriously, can the words and stations' names get any smaller? I'm squinting my eyes half of the time :P Lol, we're heading to taiwan in about 2 and a half weeks!! (:

2011-05-04T00:13:00.002+08:00

Gonna stay out at starbucks again later today w my dear lappy, a novel and a nice cup of green tea creme with whipped cream! (:

Brainstorm, brainstorm!!

Anw, i just found out not too long ago that Xiu and her sec 4 classmates are departing from singapore to taipei the very same day as us, and guess what, they're coming back on the same day too!! haha, not much of a coincidence, since these 2 days' tickets are the cheapest amongst the other days, so i won't really say it's a coincidence, it's just that we're being singaporeans and grabbing the best buys, just being who we truly are (SINGAPOREANS!) :P

Only Seven More Days Left! Persevere!! The job stint is going to be over soon!! Hang in there, Charmaine!

2011-05-02T17:50:00.003+08:00

Although i don't really know what's happening at the other side, I really do hope that things turn out fine and get resolve smoothly...

Anws, our taiwan trip is nearing! (: Muahaha, i'm meeting Lau this weekend (: I hope we get our itinerary planned out smoothly and things turn out nicely as planned! (: HEEHEE.

2011-04-27T21:31:00.001+08:00

Hurry Labour Day Hurry!!! GAMBATTE!!

2011-04-25T20:04:00.001+08:00

I wanna throw away so many things. My room is so cluttered. time to throw away all the display items and "adorable" gifts that i displayed for around a decade now...

Hmm, what else should i throw away? my radio?

2011-04-22T13:40:00.003+08:00

I just sent an e-mail to my dad that could very well make him stop talking to me for two whole months (and i just got back on talking terms with him). Well, i had to get it off my chest, i can't stand it anymore.

try to accuse me again, i'll make sure my words aren't so kind anymore.

2011-04-18T01:19:00.003+08:00

OMGoodness...

I just read through an e-mail that i wrote to myself in 2005. Just happen to chance on it through random keyword search through my email. (I even forgot that i wrote such an e-mail to myself for keepsake) Well, the fact that the whole e-mail was written in Chinese was sorta shocking for me, and the astonishing thing is that it was written with a certain level of vocab and the level of proficiency in expressing myself in Chinese was like!! haha, i never thought that i could express myself in Chinese that well... Haha, well, it wasn't that good like authors-kinda-good, but i'm just very surprised at the fact that i could actually write an essay with that much ciyu and moshui :P bahaha, well, i guess i kinda lost touch with that side of me now...

I'm heading to Taiwan soon for my long-awaited trip (:
希望能重拾当年对华语的热诚! 而我也会把当年所学的台湾口音尽量展现出来,尽量别让他们认出我的新加坡口音!

-かなしい　

2011-02-17T23:36:00.004+08:00

how am i to smile and actually speak to someone whom i utterly depise and am sorely disappointed in? must i force myself to put on that smile everyday? that'll be so hypocritical... can't believe i'm actually entering the stage in life whereby you have to "smile no matter how much you dislike the person in front of you"

so tired of seeing how ppl can twist words and malign anyone just to get what they want. customer service is a fugly line to get yourself into. i'm so tired, i wish i can just stop now... it's draining the life away from my smiles.. i'm no longer smiling cos i feel like smiling and am genuinely happy, i'm just hanging that plastic smile on my face just cos i have to, the smile's there cos it's expected of us, we're ordered to smile... "Greet the patients, smile... " and the long list goes on...

I remembered that one patient commented on my first week of work, "you must be a new staff here." i asked her how did she know and she replied, " cos you're still so lively and excited about your job! keep up the good work and your smile alright?" i told her i will... haha, and now i know how hard it is to keep that promise. haha, i guess i will be able to tell if a staff is new to a job quite well now. i will tell her the same thing that the patient told me 2 months ago... cos i want her to know that i appreciate her service and i don't take it for granted. cos she might be feeling sick and ill and no one gives a damn and pays her a meagre pay and expects a 5-star hotel kinda service. i don't want this kinda misfortune to befall anyone.

i'm disgusted by ppl. just wanna shut myself away from this fugly world, away from all these fugly ppl. i don't care if i'm deemed as a weakling, i'm just damn freaking tired...

just another observation of this fugly world: if you don't have power or authority, you'll just get trampled on, and it's a very real situation happening in our society and other societies alike i suppose. you won't have a voice, you are just a nobody. i suppose i understand the rationale behind all the power struggles happening and why they exist. if you don't get a share of the power, someone else will and you'll get ordered around endlessly...

so tired... i'm looking forward to my break. i don't know if i should still feel optimistic, maybe smth good will come out of this?

2011-02-07T23:55:00.003+08:00

I wanna get a set of skipping ropes, but the problem is i have no idea where to find it. Where on earth do they sell skipping ropes these days?

2011-02-05T22:38:00.002+08:00

Lol... i was at my aunt's house chewing on my mochi happily when i saw this on the back of the mochi packet. lol!! i read the line in english first... i tried my best to understand, but after a while, i gave up and totally rofl after reading what it actually meant in chinese. Lol. It's a product from taiwan anw.

2011-02-04T10:12:00.002+08:00

MORNING EARTH!!! haha... and happy cny!!! well, it's the second day of cny! as much as i try to control, i still gave in to the temptations of cny goodies!! :P haha... trying to keep away from the bak kwas and pineapple tarts though :P fortunately for me, both of these sinful snacks with the highest calorie count are not really my favourite goodies to binge on! :P prefer the white cookie made of susu (:

heehee. did i mention that my lil cousin's so adorable? she's adorable beyond words!! :P

2011-02-01T21:57:00.003+08:00

Lol... i found out that i'm shopping for different things as others in singapore.
Just as everyone's gearing up for cny and shopping for their items as if there's no tmr, i'm shopping for birthday gifts and searching around for ideas! spent my time today shopping for birthday items and bought some scrapbooking items to do DIY! i love scrapbooking, i just wish they were less pricey, that way it will be available for less well-off ppl like me!! lol.

Cny's round the corner. hope everyone will enjoy their cny hols and celebrations!

2011-01-30T10:11:00.004+08:00

i found out that i cannot do things in moderation at all. it's a all-or-none thing. much like action potentials yea?

it's eitheer i eat a lot or i don't eat at all. (when i was on a crash diet post-o levels, with only fruits to my diet.)
it's either i talk a lot or i don't talk at all.
it's either i mug like hell(in sec 1 and 2 with minimal social life) or i don't mug at all.
it's either i show a lot of love to my family members or i don't feel like interacting with them at all.
it's either i feel like buying pretty clothes and go on a shopping spree one day or i'll just be too lazy to bother about my wardrobe and think, "why should i even bother with what i'm wearing, it's still clothes at the end of the day" and i end up repeating my wardrobe...

hmm, there must be somewhere in my brain that auto shuts off the "moderation" hormone and response that it elicits.

2011-01-30T10:03:00.003+08:00

it's been raining intermittently since last night... sighs. still prefer the sun on this sunny island.

2011-01-30T08:59:00.002+08:00

what goes around comes around. please believe in that. i think i'm witnessing it first-hand. and that incident happened when i was a toddler. tell me about it. -shudders.

2011-01-27T21:48:00.005+08:00

I HATE MYSELF!!!
i'm so not committed to my jogging schedule this whole week! ARH!!! i'm being an asshole to myself... disappointing myself... ARHHHHHH!!! i'm so pissed that i can't think now... I'm getting fatter each day... as if not jogging isn't bad enough, i'm having dinners which are DARN FATTENING with HIGH CALORIE COUNT!!! my meal's screaming out at me, "i'm high on fats, don't eat me!" but i still have them nonetheless...

PLAN: breakfast in the morning... NO LUNCH! SOUP FOR DINNER!!! Charmaine yue, if you dare to break this, you ought to die! don't you dare, or even try to break this routine!!!

PISSED!!! where's your self-discipline! ass!

2011-01-25T22:48:00.005+08:00

i just realised a few days ago that, along with the demise of my dell comp (haha), all my photos that i took during the japan trip's gone as well (in addition to all the sec and jc pics)... -sobs. fortunately, my uncle did take a few photos of us (though he focused more on his family)... and there's like a few pics of us from our jap trip in the cd that he passed to us. sobs... my photos :( and all the images that i found amusing and captured are gone... -sighs. nvm, there's still a few pics left here and there in the cd...

2011-01-24T02:01:00.001+08:00

jogging every day next week and at least 100 sit-ups per day!! go charmaine yue! don't disappoint yourself!

2011-01-24T01:51:00.002+08:00

sometimes, crying does help, it relieves us of some load off our chest and makes us feel much better... so don't refrain from crying dear friends... if you need my shoulder, just give me a call ya? i will keep my phone close to me these days...promise... cos heavy burdens aren't supposed to be shouldered alone... the more you suppress it, the more tormented you'll feel... though it's not much of help, but if you need a listening ear, i'll be more than happy to be there... don't keep it all to yourself...

2011-01-20T22:35:00.003+08:00

went marina barrage today with ghc (:
really like the wind and scenery there. we went there this evening, so there was hardly anyone there except for a few pockets of ppl here and there flying kites... really windly, to the extent that it actually felt chilly... but, i like it (: i can just fall asleep with the wind and beautiful architectures there...

anyway, there was one funny convo that went on on our way back home:

Xiu: Darling~ (calls out to ser)
Me: Ser, hurry, just puke into her spaghetti top.
Xiu: what spaghetti? I ate ramen just now leh (-seriously referring to ajisen that we ate for dinner)
Me: Ser, hurry up, puke into her ramen top!
LOL!! from now on, xiu will be remembered for this joke of the century whenever she adorns a "ramen" top...

2011-01-18T22:31:00.002+08:00

I wanna go to the airport and just rot there for a day... i wanna chill at the airport with my friends or just rot there alone... doesn't matter, just miss the airport... just watching the planes at the viewing gallery is sufficient to make my happy for the whole day (: some ppl may see this as a waste of time, well, it's just my form of relaxation.

2011-01-17T21:53:00.001+08:00

I have a urge to sing sing sing!!! i can't sing at home cos we're so cramped up here... i needa go kbox soon. and i have to drag ong sihui with me!

2011-01-17T20:36:00.002+08:00

Lol... i was pondering over something that happened at work today.

Today, 3 colleagues told me, "charmaine, you're so quiet today, what happened?" one colleague even asked me if i was sick or did something awful happen. Lol. Am i really that noisy normally? Just wondering... hoho, i asked them "you mean i was that noisy normally that when i cut down on talking, it becomes very obvious is it?" Lol... oh gosh, i think my alias: 于吵文 is resurfacing! :O HAHAHA..

I didn't notice that i spoke very little today, that's why i was very VERY VERY surprised when three of them mentioned it individually to me... but after they voiced it out, i suppose it's because of me memorising my hiragana characters during my free time in between serving patients. Usually i'll starta convo or disturb them when i have free time :P haha, i am such a irritating person right? guess i just can't stand the bore of not doing anything at work...

wow... i hope my loudness is not irritating anyone. cos i know of some ppl who can't really stand loud ppl, including myself... oh no.

2011-01-15T22:55:00.003+08:00

First jap lesson was hard :/
Gotta memorise the 50 Hiragana characters by next week... so i've gotta memorise like around 10 per day till wednesday.... gonna leave the last 2 days for revision and also to find out more interesting facts about japanese. Initially, i really hope that my teacher would be teo-sensei. But he ended up as the teacher next door, i heard he's actually a native jap who has been in singapore for many years now and even picked up our singapore accent together with hokkien, cantonese and chinese :(... nvm, i shall see how it goes. My current teacher's hiromi-sensei. She's really cute (: but she doesn't speak english well... o wells, that will mean i will have to learn jap more independently and try to pick it up fast so that i can get what she's saying. will try my best. never say no before you put in your best and try to accomplish smth.

2011-01-09T22:01:00.001+08:00

(: high waist shorts...
time to go on a diet (: exercise discipline and self-restrain...

bag + tee (:

2011-01-08T23:23:00.003+08:00

went out to town today (:
haven't been out to town for quite some time now... and i simply love it cos i finally took time to stroll down the row of shops and look through the racks (:
I bought a nice mango top today and i'm so pleased with myself (:
BUT, i lost 10 bucks... as in i really drop a 10 dollar bill somewhere without knowing it..
Well, let's hope the lost 10 dollar bill is meant to help me 消灾解难! by thinking that way, i'll feel much better...

2011-01-07T00:43:00.002+08:00

cececheer, you made my YEAR (: haha...

2011, i will strive to present a better me to this world.

here's a message that a friend texted me:
Keep the smile, Leave the tear,
Think of joy, Forget the fear,
Hold the laugh, Leave the pain,
Be joyous, cos it's NEW YEAR!
HAPPY 2011!

2011-01-05T22:26:00.003+08:00

i've been jogging on alternate days for the past month now... and the result of that isn't too pleasant ): i've got these two huge calves now :( and my muscles feel like it's constantly tightening and strained ): gosh, i don't wanna have thunder thighs and calves.

anw, i've decided on reading campbell and reece once through while waiting for the A lvl result. hopefully, i'll find more interesting facts in that thick book(so heavy that it can be used as a weapon :P) since i'm reading it for leisure now instead of just memorizing facts for the exams.

anyways, happy 2011!! cheerios! (i've got a feeling, woo~, that this year's gonna be a good year, that this year's gonna be a good year... (: )

2010-12-29T20:17:00.002+08:00

felt so hurt today. one downright mean and fugly patient used vulgarities on me when i was registering for him. He had a very bad patient record in the system, everyone who served him before will leave behind a note in the system commenting on his attitude and bad temper, and so did i. i wrote a paragraph on how he treated me when registering. he used vulgarities on me! and guess what, i still had to smile. i should have retorted. at least give a witty reply that will leave him speechless. like, " i'm so sure that your boys will be so proud of your colourful language" (his kids are behind him)...

BAH!!! and the problem is that those words shouldn't be lashed out at me! he wanted to see his doc, but doc wasn't around, so he has gotta change doc. didn't wanna wait. omgoodness. i feel like dunking his head into a pile of shit. asshole.

2010-12-26T07:07:00.002+08:00

merry christmas everyone (: and happy boxing day! (:
really feel very happy these few days (:
everyone's basking in the festive mood.
have lotsa fun and enjoy this festive season, everyone!

2010-12-23T23:39:00.004+08:00

lost my cool today. and i felt so bad after that. everyone was feeling pressurized under the stress that we faced today. sorta buckle under the stress and flared up. it's the feeling of helplessness that drove me to the tipping point. i expect ppl to reciprocate and treat me the way i treat them, but maybe it's too much to ask for. ppl are not willing to help, not willing to step out of their comfort zone to assist you when you're in need, period. no explanations needed.
lesson learnt : never expect help from others. especially in your workplace. always depend on yourself cos you'll never know when others will let you down. still, i shouldn't have shouted like that. though i really hate how selfish and ugly ppl can get, it's not even my area of responsibility and i put in the effort to help, only to receive a shrug from the staff nurse there who said, " i'm very busy" and then rolled her eyes. Bloody hell, i'm busier with loads of patient to attend to. It's just that your patient came to me and i helped her and now i'm directing her back to you to finalise the details and there you go shrugging and shirking responsibilities. Asshole. how am i suppose to know how to deal with your patients. Lots of ppl have very ugly sides to them. downright mean and ugly :(

k, i don't really seem very apologetic. the fact is that i'm feeling bad for flaring up and adding tension to the alr-very-busy-and-stressful clinic and for the fact that i'm not controlling my temper well enough, but i'm not feeling apologetic towards that irritating ass.

2010-12-23T03:07:00.003+08:00

christmas is round the corner and there're a few gatherings here and there... but, i've not started on christmas shopping =X oops.

I went to AMK hub the other day and attempted to do some christmas shopping. In the end, i find all the stuff rather silly and just went back home. haha, gosh. sincerity, charmaine yue, you've gotta put in some effort and search for them. i wonder if i would have to resort to chocs again this year? =X omg, i'm like the worst friend to receive a christmas present from. forgive me, dear friends.

2010-12-23T03:05:00.001+08:00

you've got one life, live it

2010-12-20T18:54:00.002+08:00

guess what... i contacted the reliable dealer in singapore... and it's 750!! not 400 :( 400 is the resale price of a used sh-01b :( that is like damn sad... i would prefer to get it through the trustworthy source though... so, it will cost me 750... omg. damn sad. i don't wanna spend 3/4 of a month's pay on it... shall reconsider.

2010-12-19T21:11:00.002+08:00

i'm eyeing a new phone now... (:
thinking of getting docomo's sh-01b (:
It looks SOOOOO classy!
i would love to have a phone like this...
and i can text my friends in jap or ask my sensei qns in jap, which will actually help me in jap i hope.
(: okay, shall start saving up! it's been out for a year now... the price is still rocket high at 400 ++. o wells...

2010-12-19T00:04:00.002+08:00

:) i'm going to jcs to register tmr... hopefully i'll get a place in their course! please please please let me learn jap there!!

alyy + leonce

2010-12-16T23:48:00.002+08:00

jogging with xiu on saturday! :)
celebrating dad's bday on sat!

i'm running out of ideas. haven't really figure out how we should celebrate his birthday. and since i'm the only one in my boring family who's interested in celebrating birthdays in an interesting manner, i ought to come up with something fast lest it becomes a disappointing bday celebration.

haven't send out christmas cards... shall do so in the next few days, else they'll become belated xmas cards, which will be like so not sincere.

mum asked me to just kiv jap lessons. but if i don't learn it now during my 8 mth break, wouldn't it be like a total waste of time? jap jap jap jap jap.. damn it, why didn't i take it up in sec?

wondering if i should continue yamaha's music course... i know they'll start teaching us how to compose songs the next grade. but first, i have to figure out how to pass the grade that i struggled so hard with in j1. i'm so bad at hearing, so bad at improvising, so bad at sight singing, i cringe whenever i hear myself sing. and the only thing i'm interested in for the next grade is actually composing... actually i've dreamt of excelling in hearing and being able to improvise on the spot, but i know it'll never happen in reality, cos i'm not really blessed with musical talents. others start early and excel, i start early and only worsen as years go by. you have only yourself to blame charmaine yue, serve you right for not practising the chords and stuff when you were young.

on some days, i'll wonder... are my friends all doing fine? you know, you won't really think of these stuff while you're in school and studying... but when you're working or having a break from school, these thoughts will just pop up in your mind.

miss baby alyy, shall visit her soon. heard she's chubby now :)
anw, one of my younger cousins picked up a line from school(kindergarden). and his favourite catch phrase now whenever he sees someone is, "are you gay?". LOL. he asked baby alyy(who is only four months old btw) if she's gay.. my bro was standing beside the baby cot and just staring at my cousin unbelievably. he's mental :P btw, i sorta pitied him and said yes... and he asked me, why are you gay? and right after, he asked me, what is gay? LOL. he picked up that line without knowing what it means. kids are seriously... haha.

2010-12-16T21:11:00.002+08:00

wanna go watch junsu's concert... hopefully some miraculous thing will happen and allow me to travel to korea for free and watch junsu's musical concert for free too..

2010-12-16T20:51:00.002+08:00

my mum threw away all the pudding i made over the weekend. HA. she didn't even try it!

2010-12-13T23:34:00.002+08:00

i need someone who's VERY patient to try acapella with me...
haha, i can still rmb that i almost drove manda mad during our j1 break with my inability to harmonise. YZ, sara, evelyn yap tried their very best to help me when i was in j2 :) really thank them for all the effort... or else i'll just be a useless chess piece in the whole chess game.
kay, need to try acapella someday. with some patient ppl. bah.

christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat ~! :)

ja;

2010-12-12T16:25:00.003+08:00

i was supposed to make a pudding today which looked yummy and simply mouth-watering. on the recipe it looked like this:

i followed the recipe and make sure i proceed with care. guess what my pudding look like? TADAA, it turned out to be smth like this:

sobs... i think it looks like muay-chee more than anything else... and it smells like noodles... but i followed the exact portion of flour as instructed. alright, if i wanna eat pudding next time, i should just travel down to ssc to get it.

T.T

2010-12-12T11:38:00.005+08:00

gonna get a new phone soon. preferably a clamshell phone! :)
gotta start hunting for one now.. my current phone's my bro's, and it seems that he's hinting to me to return the phone asap cos he wants to trade it in.

random thoughts:
i miss daoju. i miss the crazy ppl there. i miss the late nights that we hanged around in school to finish our props. the scary yet funny thought that we'll be discovered by Miss Lim anytime and get a scolding from her. my fellow dj zuzhangs-ceci,harkie,ameline. my dear juniors who helped out so much despite the gross inefficiencies of this zuzhang here and the blur zuzhang here who spilled the whole tin of paint on her pinafore.

i miss ghc. and the literal meaning of ghc. i miss going home with you guys. i miss taking 265 and just sharing the daily events in school. i missthe fact that you guys will always wait without complaints while i sort out my books and files to bring home daily.

i miss ying shui si yuan pool where tan and i made our wishes prior to our exam.

i miss how daddy used to hold my tiny little hand while we were out.

i miss the hols spent at sam's house.

i miss my music classmates.

i miss performing the electone in front of an audience.

i miss 29/08 and how carefree we were every day(although there were consequences to that =P).

i miss lishi meetings.

i miss LCPs.

i miss primary sch outing (although these outings are virtually non-existent now and it's impossible to gather everyone together again)
i miss our weekly outings to orchard.

haha. having so much time to reminisce about the past just shows how "effective" i'm utilising my time yea? haha. if only i can turn back the clock. sad to say, i've lost all my pics taken when i was in sec school and jc cos my comp crashed. everything is stored in my memory now. there's no backup. and when time passes, these memories will fade too, i suppose.

shall learn from my experience and start storing my pics in photobucket as of now. at least i can retrieve them if smth happens to my comp again.

ja, sayonara.

2010-12-11T18:32:00.001+08:00

doushite?

2010-12-07T18:54:00.004+08:00

I can't believe how slow i can be...
I truly admire DBSK's vocals and personality... only after they've gone their seperate ways...
They can harmonise and blend well even without any prior preparations. Listen to this ( IGNORE THE PART IN FRONT, they are just lazing around and singing out of tune, but wait till you hear how they sing:

xiah junsu! :P i love xiah and yunho couple :/ dbsk aktf!

2010-12-05T01:13:00.003+08:00

this song's full of emotions. i think anyone who listens to it will be somehow touched by the feelings conveyed in the song.

2010-12-04T02:41:00.002+08:00

oops... I have no idea what to wear to my cousin's wedding... and it's not a wedding dinner, it's something like a wedding"lunch" instead =X
I'm leaving the house at around 10am, which leaves me... hmmm... less than 8 hours to find something to wear!!! o my.. -box myself

2010-12-03T20:23:00.004+08:00

According to Hark the half-unicorn (she's really just a cavewomen driven mad by the prolonged period of isolation), HAPPY= hair-shhhee shhhee(pee).

Trust me, she's insane.
HAHAHAHAHA. She said i was just a plain mortal being! i have this feeling she'd all these inspiration from watching despicable me and harry potter added together. =P
Anw, I'm happy cos I went to watch HP7 with harkie today!!!!! HAPPY!!! I've been wanting to watch it since it came out last month!!! Hermione is PREEETTTTTTYYY! really had a fun day out with that girl, she's so funny... every sentence that comes out of her is funny, whether if it was intentional or not :) so overall, it was really a very enjoyable outing with that half-unicorn!!

Anw, right after my exam yesterday, Peiyi and I rushed to make a birthday cake for our birthday girl, TAN LIYI (goodness, she's known by her uni friends as Janice... GASPS!!). Luckily Xiaowei could make it, so we all met up at night to celebrate tan's bday :) After celebration, it was very late for Peiyi to head back all the way to hostel so she stayed over :)
Though it was a mad rush the last 2 days, it was loads of fun fun fun fun fun!!

WOOHOOOOOOO!!! I'm enjoying it! :)
Anw, here's one crazy pic that i took on the spur of the moment :)

2010-12-03T13:45:00.002+08:00

I'm having a headache...
And it has been stuck with me since the midst of my A levels :(
I've tried taking panadols, vitamins and drank enough water (okay, that's a partial lie. Cos my definition of "enough water" is always relatively smaller in quantity as compared to other peeps')
I can't get rid of it and it's driving me nuts cos i can't think properly or do my stuff with full concentration with this drilling thingy happening at the back of my head...
Shoo headache, shoo. I don't like you in my life.

2010-11-26T15:22:00.000+08:00

2010-11-06T21:29:00.002+08:00

I WANNA LOG ON TO FB!!!
Haha, but no, i shall not! i know i would spend hours up there and it will literally hurt to divert my attention away from that page and back onto my good, old, solid notes and practices..

Chem P3 in three days' time. I've put in my best, i really hope that my efforts will be well-rewarded this time round !! :)

Gotta go prepare for gp too and of course for bio paper 2 as well :)

GOGOGO!!! ALL THE BEST, CHARMAINE YUE! (:

I love studying, but it would be better if they can do away with the exams. It really makes studying a little less enjoyable. Haha, bet meh will be nodding away if she gets to read this.

Just a sudden thought, wonder who's wasting away now, practically just doing nothing and rotting as the days go by... just a random thought..

2010-10-12T11:33:00.001+08:00

Just dug up some music theory books and manuscripts that i kept...
Can't believe that I actually arranged 5566's songs before!! AHAHA! this is so embarrassing but funny :p
Anw, I arranged A1's 'like a rose' as well...
What was wrong with me during my adolescence?! Lol..

2010-10-08T19:49:00.001+08:00

Feel like using msn...
Haven't been onto msn since forever!
Well, I'll just have to fight off the temptation, it's just 32 days away!!
Out at starbucks now btw, it has made its way into my list of favourite study places :)

2010-07-30T18:02:00.002+08:00

remember your aim, you can achieve it if you're willing to give it your best shot...